Bury Me (Willow Heights Prep Academy: The Elite Book 3) Page 3

  I set a hand on his arm to steady him before turning back to Kaylee. “Not in my dreams,” I say. “This Friday. Enjoy your time on the squad while you have it.”

  “This school would never allow someone with a reputation like yours to cheer in front of the whole town,” Carmen says. “You’re an embarrassment to Willow Heights.”

  I shrug. “You had a member who ate dogfood off the floor.”

  “Not even,” Kaylee says, her eyes flashing with hatred. “She was off the team the second that happened.”

  “And you’ll never make it on,” Carmen says. “You’re nothing but white trash in an expensive wardrobe.”

  “That’s not a very nice way to talk to a girl on your squad.”

  “You will never cheer on my squad,” Kaylee hisses, her face twisting into something ugly.

  “Okay,” I say with a shrug.

  “And don’t you dare even think about calling it your squad,” she continues, obviously about to lose her shit.

  Carmen hooks her arm through Kaylee’s. “Willow Heights has class, and our squad reflects that.”

  “Oh, is that what you call your pathetic pep squad routine?” I ask.

  “You’ll never make the squad,” Kaylee fumes. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Okay,” I say again, giving them a little finger wave and a smile. “See you Friday, girls.”

  When they flounce off, Dixie gapes at me like I’m some kind of hero. “Oh my god,” she gushes. “You are such a badass.”

  “She’s right,” I say with a shrug. “We’ll never make the squad. Coach Snow is too smart to add people who the other girls won’t work with.”

  “But… I know the whole routine.”

  “Oh, we’re still doing it,” I assure her. “I’m not going to slink away like I’m beaten. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. We can make a point, but we won’t be cheerleaders here.”

  “It’s true,” Dolly says. “But I’m still in, too. I wouldn’t mind showing them what they’ve been missing out on by not having me on the squad.”

  Dixie looks back and forth between us and then nods, a grin spreading across her face. “Okay,” she says. “I’m in, too. I love your dance, Crystal.”

  She and Dolly go off to fix themselves up before class, leaving me with the twins as they discuss the latest obstacle in their quest for domination. The Darling cousins seem to be on good terms again, but maybe they’re putting on a show, presenting a united front so they can keep their place at the top. After all, if they show cracks in the perfect image they’ve so painstakingly created here, it would be easy for my brothers to take them down. How can they find out if the Darlings are really solid, or if now is the time for a decisive power move by the Dolces?

  As they talk, I go back to Dolly’s parting words about Devlin’s dad. I can’t help but wonder, are we good people?

  three

  Crystal

  All the haters who call me weak? I don’t hate you. I pity you. You think strength is measured by the choice to fight with fists and the loudness of a girl’s mouth. Good thing human intelligence isn’t measured by what your tiny minds can comprehend.

  “Hey, baby,” Shaun says to me in class on Friday. “You got plans this weekend?”

  I shut off my phone and glance at the table to the right and one row forward where Devlin and Dolly sit side by side. Whatever their squabbles, they seem to have worked them out. I guess that’s what friends do when one person’s having a hard time. I’m glad he has someone to confide in, someone who’s there for him when I can’t be, but it still hurts to know that I’m not that person for him. Still, if the only good I can do is bring them together, I have to be happy with that.

  I shake my hair back and turn to Shaun, who sits at the table to my right, behind Devlin. “I don’t date,” I say. “But thanks.”

  “Who said anything about dating?” he asks. The other guy at his table slugs him in the shoulder and snickers into his fist.

  I give Shaun a tight smile. “I’ll pass.”

  I’ve been dealing with this shit all week. Maybe Dixie’s right about being the Darling Dog.

  “I can bring friends,” Shaun says. “I hear that’s your thing, and I’ve got plenty.”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Aw, come on,” Shaun wheedles. “I’ve seen those tits. I know what you’re working with.”

  Devlin shoots out of his chair and spins around, grabbing Shaun by the hair and slamming his face down on the lab table. “What the—”

  Before Shaun can finish his protest, Devlin lifts his head and drives a fist straight into his nose. I hear bones crunch. Blood is gushing from his face, and he howls once before Devlin throws him out of his chair onto the floor. Shaun scurries backwards, screaming curses and trying to hold his broken face together.

  “She said no,” Devlin growls before he spits on the floor between Shaun’s feet.

  Shaun hiccups out a sob.

  “Devlin Darling,” the teacher barks. “There’s no fighting in my class.”

  “There shouldn’t be any fucking assholes, either,” Devlin says, dropping back into his seat.

  “Go to the nurse,” the teacher says to Shaun.

  Holy shit. She’s just going to let Devlin sit there like nothing happened.

  I’m shaking so hard I think I’ll puke, and I’m glad I didn’t drink the coffee I found in my locker this morning. Did Devlin really beat the shit out of some guy in class just for talking to me? Colt said I was now free of the Darling shadow, that I was nothing to them, neither Dog nor Doll. But obviously I’m not fair game for the average douchebag. Like every time they’ve made rules for me, they’ve left out a key factor, making sure I can never win their fucking games no matter how hard I try to figure them out, play by the rules, or break the rules.

  As Shaun stumbles out, Devlin sits facing forward, flexing his hand in his lap—his right hand. His throwing hand.

  “Is your hand okay?” I ask quietly.

  Devlin doesn’t turn, but I see his shoulders stiffen. “Now you care?” he mutters, his voice edged with bitterness and so quiet I can’t be sure those are his words.

  Suddenly, my throat tightens. When my eyes fall to the trail of crimson droplets Shaun left, my stomach lurches. At last, my gaze stops at the splatter of blood on his desk where his nose exploded, and I just can’t. I shoot up from my seat and hurry out, trying not to see the blood, unable to see anything else. I make it to the bathroom before I get sick.

  Afterwards, I rinse my mouth until there’s nothing of the sour taste left. I stand in front of the mirror trying to catch my breath. My lipstick is gone, and my mascara runs down my cheeks in black rivulets. I left my bag in class, which means I have no makeup, no way to fix this. A tendril of panic wraps itself around my spine. I can’t go back to class without makeup, without my face on. It’s been four years since I went to school without makeup. It’s my armor. It would be like showing up to school in my pajamas—without a bra.

  But as I stare at my bloodshot eyes, tears leaking from them, I’m so fucking done with that. I’m tired of faking it, pretending, and praying with every fiber of my being that someone will approve of me. I’m tired of having to pass an army of inspectors every morning before I leave the house, like I’m a piece of meat about to be shipped to the grocery store, USDA approved for consumption.

  I lean over, turn the warm water on, and splash my face, scrubbing until there’s no makeup left to ruin. When I finally stand up and shut off the water, I almost scream. I stumble backward, adrenaline spiking through me. Someone is standing by the door, watching me.

  No, not someone.

  Devlin.

  “What, you’re scared of me now?” he asks.

  I grab a handful of paper towels and pat my face dry while my mind reels with possibilities. “Considering you spent the last two months telling me every day that I should be terrified, I don’t think that would be unjustified.”

  “You didn’t
answer my question.”

  I swallow hard, balling the paper into my fist. “No,” I say at last. “I’m not scared of you. You just startled me.”

  We stand there staring at each other for a long minute. “Are you okay?” he asks at last.

  “Fine. Just the sight of all that blood…” I break off with a shudder.

  “I wasn’t talking about that.”

  I gaze into his turbulent blue eyes, the distance between us seeming impossibly far. I can’t take the first step, though. It’s as if we’re both frozen in place, rooted on opposite shores of this impossible divide with no boat to reach the other side.

  I don’t know how to answer his question. Am I okay? No, I’m not fucking okay. My life is spinning out of control. My brother is completely changed. My mother escaped us like we were a trap, without so much as a goodbye note, though she did text when she made it home. The rest of my relatives left, including the grandmother I love and the grandfather who I’m pretty sure killed someone while he was here. My best friend outside my family, for some inexplicable reason, wants to be the Darling Dog. And somewhere along the way, I started counting on this insane boy for support, and then I broke his fucking heart—on purpose.

  Because that’s what Dolces do.

  “I’m okay,” I say, nodding. Because that’s what Dolces say. “You?”

  Devlin leans against one of the sinks, and my eyes drink him in, because damn if he isn’t so beautiful it tears me up inside. He rubs his forehead with his thumb before lifting his head to face me. “No,” he says, bracing his hand on the edge of the sink. “Crystal, I fucking… What I did to you in that locker room…” He shakes his head, the torment in his eyes unfathomable. “How can you be okay?”

  “Devlin, no,” I say, moving toward him, my feet suddenly unglued from the floor. I stop in front of him. “Listen, I get it. Your cousin made you prove your loyalty, and you did. It wasn’t ideal, and yeah, I wish the rumor hadn’t gone the way it did, but it’s not like we hadn’t hooked up before. It’s not like… Like I didn’t want you to.”

  “You said no,” he says quietly, his eyes searching mine. They’re still as deep as the lake I saw that first day, but the ice is gone, and all I see now is the pain in the depths of that endless blue.

  “Devlin,” I say, pain twisting in my own heart. I step closer to him, until our bodies almost collide, and raise my hand to cup his cheek. I wait until his gaze meets mine to go on. “You were protecting me from them. I was saying I didn’t want them. I never said no to you.”

  His lips tighten, and then he reaches up and takes my hand, pulling it away from his face. “You did, Crystal. You said no. Twice.”

  “Not to you,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t believe you’ve been thinking all this time… I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize to me,” he growls. “Not after what I did to you.”

  “Devlin, I know what you’re talking about,” I say. “I did say no. I said it once to Preston, and once to Colt. I never said no to you. I… I wanted you to do what you did.”

  My heart is hammering in my throat at the admission.

  Devlin stares at me a long minute. “How could you want that?”

  “Because I did,” I say. “I was never saying no to you. I couldn’t if I tried. You know that, Devlin. You know I liked it, even there, even like that. You must have felt that.”

  Color rises to my cheeks as I remember all those people watching. I didn’t care. My body wanted Devlin’s, always, no matter what. I was wet for him. I would have come if he had kept going. I’m glad he didn’t. It’s humiliating enough that they saw me the way they did. I don’t need them to have seen me even more vulnerable.

  “Fuck, Crystal,” he says, his voice low and hoarse. “Are you trying to kill me?”

  “No,” I whisper. “I know it’s wrong, and I’ve tried, but I can’t help myself with you.”

  “Jesus Christ,” he says, pulling away and raking a hand through his blond hair, leaving it tousled in a way that reminds me too much of when we’re in bed together. “Crystal, you can’t just say those things to a man.”

  “What?” I ask. “The truth?”

  He stares at me a second and then nods. “Yeah.”

  “I’m tired of hiding,” I say. “I’m tired of the lies, and the costume, and carrying the weight of this name. I just want to be myself, like I was with you.”

  I know I should stop, that I’m laying everything out for him to trample, that I’m laying myself bare for him. But even though I hurt him last, even though it’s his turn for revenge, I can’t stop myself. I want to lay every part of myself bare. I want to be vulnerable. Only for him.

  Devlin swallows and takes my hand, placing it on his chest. He covers my small hand with his rough one, and I can feel the rapid, steady beat of his heart. “I want that, too,” he says quietly. “You’re so damn beautiful it kills me, Crystal. You should never have to hide who you are, or what you look like, or that heart that’s too good for me or your family. Every inch of you is fucking magnificent.”

  I can’t stand to be away from him after touching him. It’s like an addict’s craving. I broke and took one hit, and now I need more. Now I can’t stop. I take his hand, turning it over between mine. “Did you hurt your hand?”

  “I’ll ice it.”

  “I can’t believe you did that for me,” I say, skimming my fingers gently over his red knuckles. They’re already swelling. “What if it’s really hurt?”

  “You’re worth it.”

  We stay there another moment, neither of us moving. My heart is hammering, and I don’t dare look at him. I can barely believe I’m touching him at all. I can’t risk making him pull away, reminding me that this thing between us is over, that it has no future. That people like us get to keep only memories.

  At last, I can’t hold back any longer. “Devlin,” I begin. “I…”

  “Don’t,” he says, his hand covering my mouth. His blue eyes are soft as a baby’s blanket as his gaze caresses my face. “Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “But—” I try to speak behind his hand, but he shakes his head.

  “You know we can’t be together,” he says. “Not after what our families did. And that’s for the best, Crystal.”

  Tears pool in my eyes, and I turn my face away, pushing his hand away. “How is this for the best?”

  “Trust me when I say you’re better off without me.”

  “That’s why you left me alone all week? Because you think I’m better off without you?”

  “I left you alone because you told me to,” he says slowly. “And because you were right to. Everything you said that day was true. I’m no good for you, Sugar. Hell, I’m no good for anyone.”

  “That’s not true,” I say, my voice breaking. I reach for him, but this time he pulls away, stepping back toward the door.

  “Come on, Crystal,” he says. “I never deserved a girl like you. I never deserved anything from you. But I’m a guy like me, so I took it, anyway. Now I’m paying for it, and I’m sorry that you have to pay for it, too.”

  I swallow hard, swiping away the tears on my lashes. “Now what?”

  “Now, you go make your family happy because that’s what you do.”

  “What about you?”

  The ghost of a smile plays over Devlin’s lips. “I’ll try not to fuck up anyone else who asks you out. It might take a couple tries, but I’ll get used to it eventually. And pretty soon, I’ll be just that asshole who punched out a couple guys who wanted to date you. And pretty soon after that, I’ll be nothing to you.”

  “You could never be nothing to me, Devlin,” I say. “I…”

  “Don’t say anything you can’t take back,” Devlin warns. His eyes search mine, and I watch his cool exterior slide back over his face, the one he shows the world just like I show them the made-up version of me. When it’s firmly in place, and his eyes are that impenetrable frozen surface, and his face is hard and haughty, h
e smiles and pushes open the bathroom door. “See you around, Dolce.”

  And then he’s gone. I melt back against the sink, closing my eyes and breathing deeply, trying to get myself together.

  “I love you,” I whisper to the silent bathroom, my whisper like the breath of a ghost against the tiled walls. The ghost of what could have been, and what can never be. He’s right. If we tried to be together, our families would keep tearing each other apart. We’ve already torn his apart. I don’t want it to do the same to mine.

  But god, it hurts. Knowing what might have been, what we could have if we were anyone other than who we are, if we weren’t a Dolce girl and a Darling boy.

  I take a last breath, shaking my head to clear it. There’s no use dwelling on what beauty could be if it existed. We both bear the yoke of our names, and we can’t escape that. We’re still players on the same board, still opponents. For one moment, we came together, and made magic. But that moment is over.

  four

  Crystal

  I push out of the bathroom and go to my locker, since it’s almost time for the next class, and I don’t even have my phone to waste the rest of the period on. As I walk down the hall, I feel naked without my makeup, but somehow stronger, too. As if I’m strong enough to fight without armor now.

  I’m getting stuff for my next class from my locker when I hear quiet footsteps in the hall. I look up, my heart catching with some pathetic, terrible bud of hope.

  But it’s not Devlin coming back to tell me he made a mistake. It’s the person I’ve been avoiding all week, the one whose face makes adrenaline shoot through me, my heart race, and sweat break out on my palms.

  Preston is right there, so close I can see the dots of blond stubble on his angular jaw. My heart roars into overdrive, my knees nearly give out, and my hands start shaking so hard I fumble my books and they thud back into my locker. I haven’t spoken to him since he beat the shit out of me and tied me up in the locker room. I was hoping I’d never run into him without my brothers there to protect me. But here he is.